My condition good o!

That was the first thing that came to my mind when I discovered the seat assigned to me was a business class seat. This phrase is used by a good friend of mine when she thinks things are going well for her or anybody for that matter in which case she’ll say ‘you sef, your condition good o’. All through my 3 weeks holiday with her, there’s not a day she didn’t use this phrase and if per chance things don’t go as planned, {I’m sure if you are guessing, you’ve prolly guessed right} she’ll say ‘your condition no good o’. Anyway, thats me digressing. As I was saying, as I entered the plane and found my seat was in business class, na so I proclaim for my mind ‘my condition good o’.

It all started when I got to the airport and started to check in for my flight back to Chicago. After checking in at one of the kiosk provided, I proceeded to bag check and handed my boarding pass to the rep. She scanned my passport, lifted the telephone and started talking with someone on the other end, spelling my surname in all those bravo, delta, oscarship way, after which she informed me I had an important message. ‘hia’ I thought to myself, ‘which one is important message again?’ I was asked to wait as an airline rep would come to talk to me. As a very paranoid naija babe and with the bad image my country already has internationally, my mind had started thinking up stuff about deportation. I know jare, very silly thought abi? That’s how a friend invited me to his house a day before my departure, as he wanted to see me before I left. I was not very keen on the visit and the fact he kept trying to persuade me to visit him, bribing me with jollof rice, only increased my suspicion of foul play. What didn’t I think he was up to {use your imagination}? I even had to text my friend his contact info just incase dem begin find me {this was after I decided to see him and met up with him}. Note, I said this person is my friend o. That’s how paranoid I can get….smh…

Anyway back to my story. That’s how I stood at the bag check area o, conjuring up different scenarios of my questioning till the airline rep came. She spoke with the service rep initially attending to me and the next thing she replies to something the rep said to her, saying ‘yes i know of this one!’ ‘ehn?! Know of this one meaning wetin na? Which Kain wahala be this one again?’ I thought. Ok, let me confess. The reason for my paranoia was because someone gave me panadol and peppermint to send to her mum in New York and the night before, I had scrutinized the items thoroughly incase dem make mistake package another thing gimme in the guise of panadol. I know, I know, my paranoia no get part two. Deal with it jor!

I was struggling not to look nervous when she asked me if I wanted to take a direct flight back to Chicago rather than transiting through New Jersey as initially scheduled. My reply was ‘sure, why not’, while I’m thinking ‘aah, is that it?’ I followed her to another check in area where she handed me to a guy who was to process the change. My condition just started to improve at this point. I was to arrive Chicago over an hour earlier than the initial schedule even though I had to wait 3hrs before the new flight took off {tallied with the time I woulda spent at the transiting airport, so I didn’t mind}. After processing the change, he offered me a £5 voucher for the inconvenience of waiting. I was to use this to get breakfast. I just smiled and said thank you {hmmmm, my condition is really improving}. I got my breakfast and proceeded to the new departure terminal for check in. Happened that the flight was a BA flight and I thought ‘hmmmm biiiigggggzzz geh!’ I went ahead to check in with the self service machine and the thing printed on screen, ‘sorry, there are no available seats for you on this flight’. I screamed in my head, ‘what?, abeg if na joke make una stop am o. Make I just jejeje go fly my normal flight Biko. Which one is no seat?’ I spoke with a rep about it, who then assisted me with the check in, assigned me a seat and gave me my boarding pass though saying I couldn’t check in my bags as it was still too early to do so. I said no problem and proceeded to wait. When it was time to check in the bags, I walked to another rep, handed my documents to him, weighed my bags while he typed into his system. Next thing he says ‘your seat has been upgraded’ and goes ahead to destroy the previous boarding pass. As a paco babe, what he meant by ‘upgraded’ didn’t really register as I thought they just moved my seat 9 rows forward giving me a window seat rather than the aisle initially assigned. I replied, ‘really? Thanks!’

As I entered the plane and walked down the aisle to look for my seat walking through first class, I thought to myself ‘ Kai, this first class and business class people de really enjoy o, their condition good o.’ not knowing I was going to be one of them. As I entered the business class cabin and got to the last row, only to discover it was my row and my seat was by the window. I just smiled like Garfield after im don belle full and muttered ‘biiigggz girl, me sef my condition good o!’

The perfect end woulda been if ‘Oga Right’ occupied the seat beside me as I’ve been
dreaming for ages….o well, nothing spoil. After all, Rome was not built in one day :D. First class, here I come.